Sunday, 22 July 2012

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO A LARGE DOUBLE-DOUBLE


GOOD EITHER WITH OR WITHOUT ADDED BOOZE 
Although I do wish "double shot of Bailey's" was a menu option.
 
Here's a quick but surefire patriotism test: What is the ultimate Canadian icon?
If you answered "the maple leaf," you're WRONG.
If you answered "the Maple Leafs," you're WRONG, on so many levels.
If you answered "the ookpik doll," you're WRONG and OLD.

No, my good friends, the ultimate Canadian icon is the Tim Hortons cup. And this is how you can tell: Wander into any unfamiliar neighbourhood, even a sketchy one (I might be home, pop in and say 'Hi!'), and stop the first person you see holding a Tim Hortons cup.
Then say this: "Hey bud, where's the nearest Timmies?"
I guarantee you will get a warm and friendly response. Having recognized you as one of their tribe, they will go to great lengths to tell you exactly how to get to the nearest Timmies: "Heck, just jump in my car and I'll take you there!"

We Canadians laugh in patriotic bonhommie at the lameness of the Tims television ads, we buy and grumble like crazy when the Roll Up the Rim to Lose campaign is on, we huddle over our coffee doing the Canadian winter warm-up ritual: both frostbitten hands wrapped around the cup.
I won't get into a debate about whether it is the best coffee, since a colleague and I almost came to blows last night over her defence of the execrable, diesel fuel-esque Starbucks, but I will just say this: it IS the best coffee.
What's that? You don't agree? No problem, it's a free country: and now I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave and never come back.