EXTREMELY BLOND AND INCREDIBLY GROSS

WHO IS THIS WOMAN? 
And what is she doing in my bathroom?

I thought what I was asking for was pretty simple: "Just touch up the roots and don't worry about anything else."

Yet here I am, once again, with a hair colour so drastically different I barely recognize myself.

I went into the salon yesterday with faded blond highlights, lots of natural dark brown lowlights and a fistful of money. (OK fine, since some of you have already read my Fifty Shades post, I might have had some grey roots, too.) 

I am new-ish to Toronto and auditioning hairdressers. After two of them completely disfigured me, I finally found one I could trust with straightening my hair. Could I dare to hope his colouring skills were as highly developed?
Two hours and $120 later, I had the disappointing answer.

Hairdressers, please answer this question honestly, because I've tested it on quite a few of you and I really need to know before I wind up white-haired or bald: WHY DO YOU FIND IT SO HARD TO SIMPLY DO WHAT WE ASK?

You don't seem to "get" how traumatizing it is when we say "Just an inch off the ends" and wind up with a pixie cut.

What's more, you do not realize how offensive it is when we protest and you say, "Well you ASKED for a trim."

Thank you for your excellent retention. I know what I asked for. The problem appears to be what happened to that request after it left my lips and entered your head. 

Perhaps you think you know what suits us better than we do. And maybe you actually do. That is not the point. 
The point is that we are paying you to do our bidding, so if we ask you to hack at our hair with dull pinking shears and then colour it puce, you should pull out your colour chart and say "Exactly which shade of puce do you prefer?"

For the record, I won't EVER publicly name those of you who have disappointed me, but if you suspect it might be you, do me a favour: Next time I come in, please please PLEASE listen to what I ask for. And then, as Nike says, "Just do it."