Tuesday, 11 June 2013

FIFTY SHADES of GREY ROOTS: WHORRIFIC BEAUTY TIP #2

THE PROBLEM:  
All kinds of nasty 
going on up there
THE SOLUTION:  
Heels as tall 
as a wine glass. 
Oh yeah, baby.


Ladies, here's a fantastic beauty tip I just totally made up: When you don't have time to get your roots done, wear heels. But not just any heels. I'm talking skyscrapers here. See, I'm a busy woman. My hair has a lot more time on its hands than I do, so it's always ready for a touchup before I am ready to give it one.
I was feeling self-conscious about the fifty shades of grey going on up there for almost two weeks before I was stricken by a brilliant idea: "Roots are only a problem if people can see them."

Solution? NEVER LET ANYONE SEE THE TOP OF MY HEAD! 
Of course, this means never crouching to pat someone's dog, never sitting down unless everyone else is too, and most importantly, never being shorter than anyone else in the room.

This is where my killer heels kick in. I haven't measured them but they feel like six-inchers. I am 5-foot-8, and when I put these bad boys on, I'm taller than most men.
People often comment that they have an insatiable urge to kick them out from under me when they see them, which I think is weird enough, but to tell me about it is even weirder.
The main thing is, they wouldn't dare, because they know  I will eventually get back up again. 
And the other main thing is, those heels have bought me another week, maybe even more, of not having to go to the hairdresser. 
How long can I keep this going? 
That depends. Anyone know where I can buy a pair of seven-inch heels?

EDITOR'S NOTE: Coming soon, a life-altering post on which hair colour to go with next. What to do? What to do?