Friday, 31 August 2012

GIRLS' GUIDE TO HUNTING: THE MAN-WHORE

*Second in a never-ending series
I'M A FUN, DEVOTED DAD!
On weekends when he has custody, 
the man-whore appears to be a 
great catch. But that guy doesn't 
exist when the kids aren't around. 
(Disclaimer: The man above is a model 
and not an actual man-whore. At least 
not that I'm aware of . . . although
God knows it's possible because 
they're everywhere. Hmm. That wasn't 
much of a disclaimer, was it?)

© Lisa James | Dreamstime.com
My goodness. Friday again? Already? For some of us, this means liquor! And chips! And that's about it! For others, this means date night. Which means you'll get your hopes up and spend hours getting ready for someone you'll later decide wasn't worth it. (Sorry. I should have had a spoiler alert there.) If only there were a guidebook, a Magic 8-ball for Grownups you could consult BEFORE you spent all that time changing your sheets and getting a Brazilian.
I can't offer you a Magic 8-ball, but I can offer you part two of a series we began last Friday (See Girls' Guide: Part 1), where we learned that dating is a dangerous sport. In part one, we got a good look at The Cheapskate. Today, we examine an even more noxious species: The Man-Whore. (Also see the Russell Brand-Geri Halliwell post, above. When I get a theme opportunity, I run with it.)
Typically, this species migrates into dating territory later in life. Freshly divorced and in his 40s, the man-whore is obsessed with having all the fun he missed when he was 22 and married. This guy will flirt like there's no tomorrow. He'll appear to be crazy about you, but that will wear off faster than you can say "So you'll call me?" This guy isn't interested in a relationship, he's interested in, in this order: Sex, sex, beer, sex, porn, laundromat, sex, beer, KFC, sex. Unless it's his weekend to have the kids. On those days, he's interested in, in this order: kids, McDonalds, kids' movies, bedtime stories, Skype, online porn, sleep, kids, bicycle rides, Sunday night, "Bye! Daddy loves you!", beer, sex. 
RECOMMENDATION: AVOID.  
* Next week: Even worse. The B.O.Y.V. Man-Whore.