Wednesday, 22 August 2012

I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU!

LIKE YOU COULD GO BACK TO EGGO WAFFLES AFTER THIS  
So this is what my friend whipped up for breakfast on Sunday. I'm talking homemade blueberry waffles, smoked maple bacon and fresh ground coffee. Just shoot me.

You know how they say you can't put a price on friendship? 
Yeah, well they're wrong. And let me tell you why.
I had a friend over last weekend, my "bestie," as the kids say. I adore this woman, we've been friends for years and have shared many a personal trial and tribulation. She's one of those people who, if you call her in the middle of the night and say "I am feeling sad," she will get in her car and drive an hour to check up on you. Because she will know just from the sound of your voice that you mean much more than just "I am feeling sad."
She is funny. She is smart. She is kind and loyal and honest and true.
There's just one problem. I may have to get a second job just to be able to continue being her friend.

See, the thing is, she's a hard-core foodie. Her idea of a fun Saturday afternoon is buying a $40 bottle of wine, a potato-grater and a bacon-smoker and making gnocchi al carbonara from scratch. Over the years, she has taken it upon herself to educate my peasant's palate. She has introduced me to gourmet coffee beans. She has introduced me to Vintages wines. She has informed me that when I say, "I used paprika in that recipe," I have to be more specific. Did I use smoked paprika? Did I use hot paprika? Sweet paprika? Spanish paprika? Am I a bumpkin from Planet 'We eat mud samwiches fer breakfast'? 

I have been introduced to so much good food, my tastebuds now speak fluent French. Which is fine, in fact it's wonderful. 
Except that now I can't drink plonk anymore. 
I can't buy canned coffee.
I can't eat store-brand brie, and I certainly can't buy  powdered parmesan in that convenient shaker thingie. I have to buy the good stuff and grate it myself, because once your tastebuds have experienced GOOD parmigiano reggiano, they throw a goddam fit if you feed them Kraft grated cheese product.

And even if I could, I couldn't do it when she's around. 
When she comes over for the weekend, I have to get a line of credit and hit Pusateri's so that she won't get cramps and have to tell the ER doctor her friend gave her food cooties. So yes, I can put a price on friendship.  But she is worth it :-)

Editor's note: Have you considered being chums with someone more of your palate calibre? I hear JWoww isn't too picky ...