Saturday, 18 August 2012

IF THIS IS CREEP WEEK, I'M GLAD IT'S ALMOST OVER

HI LADIES! I'M HUNGRY AND I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! 
TXKING/SHUTTERSTOCK 

Is there some kind of weird "guy flu" going around that I haven't heard about?
Did Mayor Rob Ford make some kind of "It's My City, The Rules of Decorum No Longer Apply" pronouncement and forget to send out a press release?
Is this Creep Week and I just didn't get the memo?
Because in the space of less than five days, here are three strange but true things that have happened to me, all involving men.

No. 1, Monday: I am sitting at a restaurant. A bearded, woolly looking fellow comes out of the washroom, looks at me and laughs. I barely refrain from my favourite response, perfected during my teen years: the eye roll. He walks up to my table and says "Can I have one of those fries?" WHILE ALREADY REACHING FOR ONE. He walks away and leaves the restaurant. I decide I am done. "Cheque, please. And some hand sanitizer."

No. 2, Tuesday: I am in the LCBO parking lot. Makeup-free, red-faced and sweaty, having just left the gym. (I like a little post-workout martini, yes. Who doesn't?) A young man in a car looks at me with googly eyes and beckons. He looks about as safe as the fry-guy, so I keep walking. In the checkout, I see that he is hovering behind me and looking at me excitedly. This time, I permit myself the eye roll and consider maybe the bird flip as well.

No. 3, Wednesday: I am on my way home from work. Stopped at a light under the Gardiner in front of the ACC. Busy time of day, pedestrians and cars everywhere. A nicely dressed young man on the sidewalk turns to traffic, opens his zipper, pulls out his partner and relieves himself in full view of everyone. I scramble for my cellphone camera (note to self: from now on keep that thing handy) while a chorus of honking erupts, but he has finished and walked calmly off before I can find it. I do the eye roll, the bird-flip and the horn honk, all at the same time.

The temptation, of course, is to say, "You appear to be the recurring theme here, Marie." But Gardiner boy didn't even look up to see who was watching. (Everyone.) Anyway, I'm going with Creep Week...and I'm glad it's almost Friday. 

Editor's note: It might be a fun little game for readers to count how many times the word "LCBO" crops up on this blog. 
Creep's note: I've been counting. Three hundred and seventeen!