Wednesday, 15 August 2012

KATE'S COUSIN EXPOSES THE FAMILY JEWELS


"SO, KATE, THIS COUSIN OF YOURS..."
"Not now, Harry." 
"But..." 
"Harry. No." 
"But..."

wayne howes/shutterstock 



Kate Middleton’s cousin, the one no one had even heard of two days ago, has pulled a very bold and unusual move that no one in the history of famewhoring has ever tried before. Katrina Darling, a burlesque dancer known for her God Save the Queen routine, has posed nude for Playboy.

Yes, aside from  Megan Fox, Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, Shannen Doherty, Jenny McCarthy, Pamela Love Hewitt, Pamela Anderson, Kim Basinger, Suzanne Somers, Belinda Carlisle, La Toya Jackson, Demi Moore, Kim Kardashian and maybe one or two others, no one has ever courted publicity by posing nude before. Or leaking sex tapes. That might be something Katrina wants to accidentally do when the buzz from this shocker dies down.

I would love to have been a fly on the fusty old-wallpapered wall in the Queen’s sitting room when this news broke.
Queen: “I say!” Teacup with handpainted periwinkles clatters into saucer.
Corgis strike up kneejerk chorus of mad barking.
Philip rouses from nap. “Eh?
Queen, glaring at news item. “One expects this sort of thing from Fergie, but Kate’s cousin?)
Philip: “Eh?”
Queen summons footservant. “Fetch the scold’s bridle and tell the chauffeur we’re taking a drive to the inferior side of town, would you? There’s a good lad.”
Harry enters room clutching magazine: "Jolly exciting news, Gram! You'll never guess!"

Lastly, I would LOVE to show you the Playboy issue here but I wouldn’t even have a clue where to purchase such a thing. (Psst. When Mom logs off, we’ll talk.) Instead, here’s a link to the Hollywood Gossip, whose mother is NOT a regular reader. Enjoy! Click here to see the Royal Shame

Editor's note: I've been meaning to ramp up my blog traffic and this might be just the ticket. From now on, I'm going to blog in the nude. In fact, I’m doing it right now!