You know who's the man? LL Cool J is the man. Cuz when LL's home was being burgled the other night while his family slept, LL went down the damn stairs and knocked this mutha to the ground with his bare, money-making hands! Oh yes he did.
Then he thumped the bejeebers out of him and held the poor stupid broken-faced barstard there while his daughter called the cops.
|YOU SHOULD HAVE ROBBED |
PHIL SPECTOR'S HOUSE, FOOL!
This ass-whuppin' was brought to you courtesy
of LL COOL J'S PLATINUM WORKOUT.
$27.95. Available everywhere.
"Uhm, hello, police? My dad is the shit." (Well, I'm paraphrasing, but that's basically what she probably might have said. Maybe.)
Meanwhile, LL looks like the biggest hero in the world. A Charles Bronson for the new millenium. A Clint Eastwood for the urban population. He most assuredly will somehow turn this into a bestselling workout book (Pump Up Yo Burglar-Ass-Whippin' Muscles Tha LL Cool J Way!) and/or rap song and/or movie.
Charlie Sheen? Feh. He's not winning. LL Cool J is winning!