Thursday, 30 August 2012

SLICES OF REAL SIDE-BOOB LIFE

You know how sometimes, you look at your kid and you think, "How the hell did YOU come out of ME?" Because the child couldn't be less like you and if you hadn't been there for the whole drag-me-to-hell vaginal delivery, you'd seriously wonder if perhaps this little creature was someone else's DNA problem?

YES SHE IS! 
Walking her dogs in her bra.
LATER THE SAME DAY...
Butt crack boy.
 
YOU LIKE THAT SIDE BOOB?
 Zoom in and feast your eyes!
YUP. HE IS WEARING A GAS MASK.



Yeah, I don't know that feeling. Because all three of my daughters are chips off the old block in one way or another. And one of them IS the actual block, just  younger and more terrifying.


That would be my middle daughter, Jade. Aside from the fact that I am a 5'8'' horse of a woman and she is a petite 5'1" porcelain doll of a woman, she and I are twins separated at birth, by 25 years. 


She has all the same "issues" I have (no need to go into details ... although "unable to keep a secret" is definitely one of them), the same obsessions, same scandalous fashion sense,  the same smile and, above all, the same sense of humour.


At least once a day, this beloved spawn texts me a photo of something outrageous she has espied on the streets of her hometown, Kitchener-Waterloo. (The thought that she is packing her cellphone camera at all times, probably even while driving, quite literally toasts the cockles of my heart.) 


MEET THE 
PHOTOGRAPHER
My little Latina netinha.
 Always smiling, and
always packin' camera. 
Because we are in the dying days of summer and because I like to laugh at other people, I am sharing these photos with you, along with Jade's cheeky observations. If I get hit by a Guinness truck tomorrow and can no longer carry on Whorrified's good work, I will die at peace knowing this little lady will step right into my slutty red satin shoes.