Thursday, 2 August 2012

TWO DAYS TILL CARIBANA: PERMISSION TO PANIC, SIR


Marie Sutherland, Caribana, GoodLife, Whorrified
GOODLIFE, THURSDAY, 12 a.m.
I was there for 25 minutes, 10 of which 
were spent taking picture of myself.
When last we spoke, I shared my lavish Caribana preparation plans. I was going to get my hair done, nails done, buy a sexy yet age-appropriate outfit, lose five pounds and tone and polish my body like a butter sculpture. I am abashed to report I have accomplished ZERO of those goals.  

After knocking back two glasses of wine and half a wheel of brie after work last night it suddenly hit me: "Terrific. It is now Thursday. You have two whole days to lose five pounds. Or at least three. Or at least tighten up a little." (It's all about the lowering of the standards.) 

So I am sort of proudshamed to confess that I hit the gym at midnight and did a bracing 25 minutes of hard-core perusing of the weights and shuffling of the exercise mats. I did break into a sweat for a minute or two, so I feel pretty good about that. Besides, I still have ... wait. Shit! I have one day left to get ready! Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!!!
...
You're still there?
Please go away. I am terribly busy and I need to curl up in the fetal position in the shower for a moment.
No really. Bye.