Friday, 17 August 2012


Ordinarily on my day off, my plans consist of: thinking about housecleaning, browsing the sales bin at the LCBO, thinking about making a scrumptious dinner, ordering takeout, drinking discounted hooch while feeling guilty about my uncleaned house, drinking more discounted hooch until the guilty feeling goes away. 

 Seriously. The woman is 53. 
If this is what eating clean does for you, 
pass me the soap RIGHT NOW!

But before any of that happens, I hit the Bramalea GoodLife step class. Every Saturday, without fail. Except for this Saturday. Because this Saturday, I am going to be changing my life.

This will mean nothing to people whose main food group is Cheetos (not that there's anything wrong with that; there are days when Cheetos are my main source of dairy), but Saturday is the CanFit Pro conference. 
Right now, many of you are saying "Fitness?!? Boring! Why isn't she talking about Pussy Riot or strippers or the fact that God gave Kim Kardashian all the good DNA?" And I'm sorry about that, but once in awhile one has to eat broccoli and at least think about healthy lifestyles.  

CanFit Pro features nutrition workshops, MMA demos and so many buff bodies your eyeballs get whiplash. (There's even an eyeball-whiplash treatment station, where you can sit in an armchair and look at pictures of overweight people smoking and eating Maple Bacon-flavoured chips until your orbs feel normal again.)  

But none of those things would bring me to downtown Toronto on a cherished day off. What will bring me to that show is one thing and one thing only, and that is Tosca Reno.
I know that sounds like a kind of wine, but in fact Tosca Reno is a person: a Canadian gem and an international celebrity, a reality show star who went from being a 200-lb divorced teacher to a hard-core fitness model. She founded the Eat Clean Diet and wrote the wildly successful books that explained it. 
(I'm not really sure what eating clean is but I don't think I'm doing it. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm eating dirty. Which is why it is imperative that I meet Tosca...)

Getting to her won't be easy. "The lineup to get to her is incredible," a GoodLife instructor warned me. "Everyone wants to meet her."
And I am one of those everyones. But I am not just anyone. I am Whorrified. 
So, how will I fare? Will I be able to stand out in the muscle-bound crowd? Will I get my moment with Tosca? Will I wear my seven-inch heels and an age-inappropriate getup to gain unfair advantage? I'm going to go ahead and say "Yes" here, but stay tuned. I'll let you know how it all went down.
In the meantime, wish me luck and clean eating. 

Editor's note: Check out this link to Tosca's website. She's an inspiration and, frankly, quite pleasant to look at: Tosca Reno.