Thursday, 13 September 2012

JESSICA SIMPSON WOULD PUT A BIKINI ON A FETUS

Jessica Simpson, Katie Couric,
MOTHER of the YEAR
"I sure hope it's a girl because 
I've already bought her the 
pink stilettos and thongs!"
Photo: CreStock
 
The deep thinker that is Jessica Simpson debuted her freshly deblubbered post-pregnancy physique this week on Katie, because that's the kind of thing America needs to worry about right now. And all things considered, she looked great, no doubt thanks to the doubled-up Spanx she reportedly wore for the occasion. 

But then she trotted out "the baby pic." 

Which was either shrewdly calculated controversy bait or just another Simpsoneurysm, but either way, what happened was Jess paraded her adorable four-month-old daughter, Maxwell Drew, down the worldwide runway in a string bikini. That's right. A bikini.

Within minutes, the debate as to her mothering abilities had erupted: "WTF? Toddlers and Tiaras much?" versus "Oh relax, it's just a baby pic." And now all America has splintered into two camps so fiercely divided even Michele Bachmann and her incessant praying may not be able to save them.  

So I beg of you, help put an end to the suffering. Take a moment from your harried lives, stop worrying about the mounting tensions in Cairo or whether or not Mayor Rob Ford really is made of butter, and cast your peepers on this photo of Jess's infant. Then ask yourself: Appropriate or Indecent? After that, you may return to your regularly scheduled thinking. (Unless you're Jessica Simpson, who has reportedly eschewed thinking because someone told her it has a lot of calories.)