Sunday, 30 September 2012


But not all women are so lucky. For those of you 
who need help, get it, I say, and guilt be damned!
I ran into an old friend the other day. And when I say old I mean the same age as I am, only she looks it and I don't think I do. I'm sure she was thinking exactly the same thing about me. And here's the funny thing: I ran into her in a cosmetic surgeon's office. Hadn't seen her since university ... where did that 30 years go? ... and suddenly, there she was, in Dr. De Lorenzi's waiting room.  
Neither of us asked what the other was getting "done." That's bad form. But I was shocked to see her there. She had never seemed like someone who cared about outer beauty. Which just goes to prove my theory that looks matter to every woman on earth (except possibly lesbians, although I'm just guessing and Ellen DeGeneres may beg to differ).
I know that sounds shallow, but the truth is females are judged on their looks from day one. This does things to our psyche. Other people's opinion of our face and body holds considerable power, and we are excruciatingly aware of this. 
We deny it, we scorn it, we try to rise above it, but it is always deep-down THERE. 
Especially as you get older.

I never gave wrinkles a thought when I was young, but when my 40s hit, I began to see "signs." And now, at age 50 (oh fine, 50-frigging-two), mirrors have become the enemy. I stare at them morbidly, hunting for new creases and shadows, poking the skin under my eyes, making pouty lips and thinking, "Hmm. I wonder how much that would cost." 

For me, it is not so much a question of "if," but of "when."
I realize I will never look 20 again. I realize some celebrities have given "face fixing" a creepy rap (not naming any names, although Bruce Jenner comes terrifyingly to mind). Above all, I realize that aging is unstoppable. But that's not the goal. The goal is to just slow it down a little.
I sense that as you read this, you are waging an inner skirmish: "I refuse to INJECT anything ... God made this face just the way ... Pathetic! ... Must grow old gracefully ... " 
Ladies, please. There are enough woman-haters out there, we don't need to pile on. If you want to get it done, then get it done. (And if you don't, awesome. Just don't judge.)
Go easy, start small, it will probably be enough. Don't feel bad about it and don't let anyone else make you feel bad about it either. As my wise, wonderful (and naturally beautiful) mother has always said, "Never apologize, never explain." 
In other words, just do it . . . and keep it to your wrinkle-free little self.

Editor's note: But you didn't tell us what YOU were getting done.

My note: Maybe I was just accompanying a friend. Maybe I was getting a mole removed. Or maybe I have a hideous, scaly rash covering my entire body and you just made me tell the whole world about it, you big jerk.
Editor's note: (She was totally getting a nose job...)