Saturday, 15 September 2012

MILEY CYRUS AND THE TWEET MYSTERIES OF LIFE

'SOMETIMES I WONDER 
IF ANYONE IS LISTENING" 
So I start tweeting utter, cork-brained piffle,
just to see what people will say about it. 
If I were my own mother, I think what I 
would say is,"Miley, you need Jesus." Hm. 
Maybe I will tweet Jesus! LOL! LOL! LOL!

Photo/ Crestock 



I'm not sure when it happened, but suddenly a whole new field of medical expertise has calved from the insidious Twitter phenomenon. It's a bit like reading tea leaves, only less accurate and not as good for you, because you don't have the healthful tea to drink afterwards.

So in this new field, experts sift through the vast miasma of thoughts being tweeted by celebrities and then make a sombre medical pronouncement as to their state of mind. "Ahem, yes, well, having thoroughly examined Kim Kardashian's entire body of tweets for the past two hours, I have concluded that she LOVES TO TWEET PHOTOS OF HER OWN ARSE!"

However, it is not Kim who has the tweet doctors worried these days. No, the one the tweetsperts are furrowing their brows over lately is one young Miley Cyrus.
Personally, I started to wonder about Miley when she shaved half her head and went punk. But the tweet docs prefer scientific evidence, and Miley is giving it to them in spades. Last night, for example, she tapped out a spate of cryptic teaser tweets, including:
  • Ever feel like you want just.... something more. not sure what exactly... passion perhaps?
  • Sometimes i feel like i love everyone more than they love me. hatttte that feeling.
  • Thought of the day: maybe it's not that they love you less, they just love you the most they are capable of loving.
  • Sometimes I dream that I am being chased by a giant MULLET!!! (OK, fine. I made that last one up.)
The Hollywood Gossip  pounced on the bait, noting "the tweets raised suspicions as to Miley's state of mind" and "her relationship with fiance Liam Hemsworth." Maybe, they mused gleefully, "the mounting criticism over her new hair has finally broken her!" 

Eh? You got all of that out of a coupla silly tweets? You Hollywood Gossip people, you don't have kids, do you? Cuz if you did, you'd diagnose it this way: Yeah, she's like 12. She's bored. The phone is in her hand and what the hell, might as well tap out whatever random thought crosses her mind. In my day, they called it "navel-gazing." We didn't have Twitter or cellphones or gol-darned Internet, so what we did was we got on the phone and talked to our friends for TWO HOURS about stuff we'd already talked about all day at school. 
Parents typically ignored it and it went away.  
Which, come to think of it, is exactly how I'm starting to feel about Twitter . . .