Tuesday, 4 September 2012


Shy bride hiding coyly behind tree
About the only upside to the new trend 
of Morning After the Wedding photos 
is that they're a change from traditional 
wedding photos. (With apologies to the 
lovely bride above. It's not her fault 
tramp-shots hadn't been invented yet.) 

© Alexey Lisovoy | Dreamstime.com

I may not be the best judge of wedding trends, as divorce is more my field of expertise, but has anyone else noticed that weddings have gone berserk? Inspired perhaps by the stunning egotism of Kim Kardashian and Celine Dion, there is no longer any limit to what newlyweds will spend on the blessed day. 
Or, as it turns out, the day after.

Yes, the latest trend in self-aggrandizement is Morning After the Wedding photos, which capture the newlyweds in various states of lust and undress, in the shower, amongst the rumpled sheets and what have you. Because having their picture taken 500 times the day before for wedding albums NO ONE WILL EVER LOOK AT AGAIN just wasn't enough for these people.

And who, exactly, do they plan to inflict these naked photos of themselves clenching each other on, anyway? Me? Don't hang that thing in the kitchen please, people! Cuz when you invite me over for your first dinner as man and wife I won't be able to eat a THING if I see that.
(I thought it was bad enough in the old days, when we had to ooh and aaah over those dreadful posed shots  . . . "and that's the best man, and his sister Mary, and my seventeen bridesmaids and our flower girl Emma and her dog and . . . hey! You aren't even listening to me, are you?"
"Whaaah...? Sorry. No. I turned to stone for a moment there. Carry on.")

All right, enough kvetching, I think you get my message. 
But in case you don't, my message is this:
Hello newlyweds. How are you? Congratulations. Now for the love of cake, get over yourself.
Oh, and one more thing, if it's new trends you're after, how about this one: BITTER DIVORCE & CUSTODY BATTLE PHOTOS! Gritty shots of the debt-crippled duo looking deranged as they spew bile and shovel buckets of money at their divorce lawyer. One hates to be a wedding-party pooper, but odds are that's on your horizon.

Editor's note: I'll just add this to my list of reasons not to get married.