To which I say: Nyeah, that's nice. But let's face it, there's only one "real reason" for cheating: "Because I felt like it."
See, what pisses me off about this "confessional" is that this is yet another high-powered, Clinton-esque creep who really only feels bad because he got caught. And who now stands to make millions by putting it all in a fucking book about how he got caught.
But since the man had a paid assistant go to the trouble of writing a 624-page tome, let's just indulge him, shall we?
Q: So Arnie, what is the "real reason" you cheated?
A: Maria was away with the kids and I was "stuck at home" in our lonely mansion, filming Batman and Robin. (And also, I I felt like it.)
Q: Rrright. But why did you allow the maid-whore to stay in your home with the child you had fathered, under the same roof as your wife and your four children?
A: Well, it sounds silly now, but "I had convinced myself" that I wasn't the kid's father.
Q: But that could only be true if you DIDN'T have sex with his mother.
A: Well I ... that question confuses me. Was that even a question?
Q: Yes, the question is, did you or did you not have sex with that woman?
A: Oh. Yes. In the guest house. While Maria was away.
Q: (Pause, barfing noises, blechblechblechhh.) Ahem. And how did you explain this to your wife when she confronted you?
A: Well, what I did was, I lied.
A: I lied. Fibbed. Made up "lame excuses," hoping she would be thrown off the scent. But the scent of asshole is pretty strong, so she stuck to it and eventually I realized I had to 'fess up.
Q: Wow. She must have been devastated. Did you attempt to comfort her?
A: Of course! I told her she still "turns me on." Because even though I had ruined her life, it's still kinda gotta be about me, right?
Q: Right. Well, I've heard enough. I completely commiserate with you and have concluded that you are a creep.
A: THE HELL?
Q: A creep. C.R.E.E.P.
A: C.R.E... Hmm. I will have to ask my assistant to explain that to me. But you're still going to buy the book, yes?
Q: Oh absolutely. Right after I marry Ryan Gosling and win the Powerball lottery and become Queen of Esplendidia.
A: Excellent! Total Recall, Simon & Schuster, $36.99. Available everywhere. Maybe even Guatemala.