Friday, 12 October 2012

AND MAYBE RENE ANGELIL IS EVERYONE'S DAD!


"I'M SORRY, BELOVED, 
BUT WE MIGHT BE KIN"
Yeah, I love this. Bobbi Kristina can 
marry her g.d. BROTHER but I can't 
 marry Ryan because he might be 
my 19th cousin thrice removed. 
LIFE SUCKS! 
CarrieNelson1/Dreamstime.com 

 
I'm a big believer in letting sleeping dogs lie. And also in not probing one's heritage too deeply, which is sort of the same thing but not really. What I'm getting at in my scattershot way is that ancestry.com has done some research into the background of Canadian celebrities and found that, basically, they're all related. And they're all French. And they're all going to die of some horrible inbreeding-related disease. (That last one was just a guess, but it could happen. I know this girl who married her cousin; their three-eyed child is nice enough but very hard to look at.)

So what ancestry.com has discovered is that pretty much any Canadian celebrity of any stature is related to Justin Bieber. They've been sniffing around his roots (er, so to speak) for about a year now and they've determined he is related to Avril Lavigne, Celine Dion and Ryan Gosling, all of whom have ancestors who came to Quebec from France and immediately started breeding future superstars. 

The good news is that, having spent my early formative years in Quebec, there appears to be a good chance that I'm related to someone famous. (In fact I'm on ancestry.com RIGHT NOW, checking to see if I'm related to Wayne Gretzy, Shania Twain or Kiefer Sutherland. Because if I am, I am hitting my cousins up for a big fat loan!)
The bad news is that there also appears to be a chance I'm related to Ryan Gosling. Which means our lavish wedding, which I have already booked and which will happen the instant he dumps that harpy Eva Mendes, may well be illegal. 
Click here to see the full ancestral story at thestar.com.