Saturday, 6 October 2012


Every time I write something about the wasted talent that is Chris Brown I promise myself that this is the last time I am going to write something about Chris Brown.

Man, that video seemed like such
 a good idea when I was drunk . . . 
And then the little shit goes and pulls a stunt even more ridiculous than the last, so that I am beginning to wonder if he has a personal "dumb-ass-ness" coach. And if he does, he has a good one. 
So today's stunt is Chris's version of an apology for being a two-timing horndog who treats women badly (usually with their permission). What he would like you to know is that he is not a horndog, he's a tormented soul who just "cares too much." 
Yes, well that's obvious, my boy. What you need to do is care too much with just one woman at a time. 
For those of you who are late to the party, not only did Chris fool around with Rihanna while dating Karrueche Tran, but then he ratcheted up the humiliation by taking out a statement in US Weekly announcing that he was officially dumping Karrueche because she was getting in the way of his "friendship" with Rihanna. 
Well I don't know what reaction he was expecting, but what he got was fan outrage. Hate mail. Tears.
Cue the "dumb-ass-ness" coach.

Chris: Man you gotta help me! Errybody is hatin! They sayin I hurt Karrueche and I'm a man-ho!
D.A. Coach: Hmm. Well what you need to do, Chris, is you need to get extremely drunk and make a video. We'll make it look candid . . . except that we'll produce the hell out of it so it looks slick at the same time.
Chris: What? Sorry, I wasn't listening. I just got a text from Rihanna. (Reads text, chuckles.) Hahahaha look at this! She sent me a picture of her bare-naked butt!
D.A. Coach: No I can't look, that would be inappropriate. (Pauses. Sighs.) Ok, fine, let me see.
Chris: Ok that's long enough. Gimme my phone back. MAN I AIN'T KIDDING! So you was saying I should get extremely drunk?
D.A. Coach: Yes, and then we would ...
Chris: Yeah man, that's a GREAT idea! Go get me some Moet and let's get this crackin!
D.A. Coach: (Muttering under his breath) I really gotta ask this dude for a raise.

Anyway, to make a long story short, a video is made, Chris "explains" why he did what he done did . . . and, well, you decide for yourself whether it helped him or hurt him. Click on the link to watch the video at I Just Care Too Much!

Editor's note: Well I watched the video and here's what I think: Rihanna is going to be furious. That girl does NOT like to share. Also, the kid looks like he needs to eat more and drink less. And perhaps record a really, really good song, which is the only reason anyone ever cared about Chris Brown in the first place.