Tuesday, 23 October 2012

CHRISTINA GETS A PLUMP AND JUICY JOB OFFER

"$3 MILLION? WHOOPEE!"
Although I should point out that 
I spend more than that o
hair extensions alone 
Photo: Crestock


It's been a big week for Christina Aguilera. And when I say "big," I am not taking a cheap shot at her steadily increasing weight, because that would be mean. Besides, it's already been done and you can't top Joan Rivers' "She looks like Snooki's Scandinavian cousin" comment, so why even bother trying?

Anyway, first, Christina was a guest on Chelsea Lately, where she shocked the audience by confessing that she doesn't wear underwear. "I like to be as free as possible at all times," she explained to gasps from the easily shocked crowd.

And now, woohoo, serious weight-gain paydirt: Christina has been offered a rubenesque THREE MILLION DOLLARS to be the face of a dating website for "big and beautiful" women. Christina has repeatedly stated she's "proud" of her burgeoning curves ... that's her at left, being very proud of her curves. (And if she's not wearing Spanx in that photo, I will eat this entire bucket of KFC all by myself. In fact I'm going to go ahead and do that anyway.)

TheBigandTheBeautiful.com says it is seriously interested in signing her as its spokeswoman. No word yet on whether Christina is proud enough of her curves to accept the offer, but either way, TheBigandTheBeautiful.com wins. Because I had never heard of it before and now I can assure you I am going to Google it, because this I've gotta see. (If you'd care to join me, here's the link: BigandBeautiful). 

And as I polish off this last piece of delicious fried chicken, a sobering thought occurs to me: Some of us gain weight and it just sucks. Others gain weight and the fat metabolizes into headlines, star power and cash. 

Editor's note News flash: Life is not fair.