Friday, 5 October 2012

HALF-NAKED SUPERMODELS & OTHER BORING STUFF

I have to apologize right up front to the men reading this. I realize this is a fairly female-centric blog and there's not much here for you to look at. Except for Sofia Vergara's boobs, below. And also Camille Grammer's boobs, one page back. Other than that, bupkes. So you can stop reading right now, because this post is entirely about diets and cramps and stuff. Don't waste another MINUTE of your time here. Have a pleasant afternoon. Bye now!

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Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima, one of the pug-ugly crones 
who'll walk the Victoria's Secret runway on Dec. 4.
Photos: Sbukley/Dreamstime.com


Heheheh, they fall for it every time. This post is actually ALL about sexy lingerie and the ethereally beautiful waifs who model it. But the men can go get their jollies somewhere else. I'm not here to pander to that sort of lustful shenanigans. Unless maybe someone were to anonymously submit a nude photo of Ryan Gosling. In that case, I might make an exception. (My email address is shecheeky@gmail.com. High-res JPGs only please.)

Yes, it's almost that time of year again. No, not Thanksgiving. Really, people. What do lingerie models and Thanksgiving have in common? Have you ever seen a turkey in a thong? (And if you have, did you take photos? Cuz I would buy those. See email address, above.)
 
No I am referring to the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. It is mere weeks away, and I know everyone is wondering the same thing: How are those grotesque supermodels going to make themselves presentable in time for the big event? They're such gargoyles every other day of the year, yet they are expected to be GODDESSES come showtime. My heart pangs for the poor hideous beasts. 

But hold on! Apparently they have a strange secret regimen to help get them on track, and thanks to some Pulitzer-worthy investigative journalism, Celebuzz gossip website has learned the shocking details.
Ready? 
We're talking diets, here. We're talking working out. We're talking drinking lots of water, lifting weights, cutting out junk food and getting extra sleep. I know! It's just whacko!  

But does it work? Let's take a look and see. Hmm. HMMM! Are those really . . . how can anyone's legs be . . . merglfmph ... erggghh. Must look away ... Urge to kill rising ...  
Why, God? Why do you play favourites? WHYYYY????

Editor's Note: *Yawn.* This is so sad. I have to actually try to drum up some enthusiasm for this boring bloody show, like anybody cares. So here we go: Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2012 airs Dec. 4, 10/9C p.m., only on CBS. Starring Adriana Lima, Deutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Sajbzzz-z-z-z-z-z-zzzz . . . huh? Sorry! What?