|"I can assure you that my breasts are |
not wearing ANY MAKEUP whatsoever!"
And then I stumbled across some pix that basically delivered it to me in a gift-wrapped Tiffany's box.
Thanks to these pix, I can now say in all sincerity that what I am thankful for is MAKEUP. When you click on the following links, you'll be thankful for it too.
A word of caution: do not click on the links until AFTER you've enjoyed your Thanksgiving feast. Because I swear, some of these are going to put you off your dinner. And yes, I know, it's wrong of me to get such visceral pleasure out of these images, but let's face it, I AM NOT TO BLAME for Kate Hudson's mutant bat ears! OK, conscience salved. Moving on . . .
Pamela Anderson: First of all let me just state the obvious: boobs don't need makeup, so they look great before AND after. But the face? Ay, dios mio. Click on Eeek!
Kate Hudson: I've already made one bat-ears comment. No need to make another. Unless you want me to . . . Click on Kate
Oprah: Yeah. Well who friggin cares what she looks like without makeup, she's still richer than all of us put together. "You don't like the way I look? Fine. I CAN BUY ANOTHER HEAD! You! Naomi Campbell! I want to buy your head!" Click on Oprah
Rihanna: Looks perhaps slightly more crazy without makeup, but still undeniably pretty. Although I think being 24 should automatically disqualify you from the Stars Without Makeup game. Because if you can't look good without makeup at that age, there's no hope for any of us. Click on Rihanna
Snooki: On the fence about this one. She kinda looks like a wholesome Italian kid. And yet also like something not ... quite ... human. Click on Snooks
Teri Hatcher: Not too bloody bad. But is it just me or does this seem a titch "staged" for a candid shot? It's just me? Fine. You guys suck! Click on Teri
Honey Boo Boo: Yeah, I know. Should be an automatic underage-disqualify. But I friggin LOVE this kid! Click on Smudgey Boo Boo
Lady Gaga: Hello-o-o! Cheating! What part of Stars WITHOUT Makeup did you not understand? Click on Googoo Gaga
Whorrified: Yes, and if Gaga's not wearing any makeup, then neither is our next celebrity. Yeah, that would be me, with no makeup. Click on, well you don't have to click on anything. Just look! Totally not wearing spackle. None. For reals!
Editor's note: Except for blush, lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, face powder and freshly blonded hair. Natural. Like polyester.