Monday, 1 October 2012

QUEEN KELLY OSBOURNE TO FANS: KISS MY MANI!

 DON'T TOUCH ME, PEASANTS!  
YOU'LL RUIN MY $250,000 MANI!
 Kelly Osbourne, rocking the 
black-diamond nail polish nobody noticed 
until she told us about it. 
Photo: Crestock
 
And now from our "Please Forgive Me, You Shitheads" files, we have Kelly Osbourne, coyly calling attention to our gross oversight. 
Yes, like you, I did not notice Kelly Osbourne's manicure at the Emmys. To be frank, I barely noticed Kelly Osbourne. (Although I did notice that she matched her lavender-grey dress to her lavender-grey hair. That can't have been easy.)

Anyway, over the past few days, a week AFTER the Emmys, Kelly has been a Twitterin' fool, repeatedly tweeting that she hopes nobody is offended by her  quarter-of-a-million-dollar manicure.
Well now that you mention it  (over and over again), I AM a little offended.
Because it appears to me to be just sparkly black nail polish. Of the kind I regularly purchase for less than $5 at the Dollar Store. How much better can your sparkly black nail polish be, really?

Well that just goes to show what I know, because then Kells tweets that HER nail polish is made of 267 carats of black diamonds and was created by jeweler Azature. Which I think is not only gauche, wasteful and impractical, but also immoral.
But hey, don't think you're going to make Kells feel bad with that kind of reasoning. Because although she professes (over and over again) to  hope we aren't upset with her, she signs off by flipping us the $250,000 manicured bird, noting she doesn't regret it because "it made me feel like a queen!"
Black diamond nails make you feel like a queen? Well if there is a country called “Disgusting Depths of Fame-Whoreania,” then yes, you can be queen of that country. Because I’m pretty sure the starving children in Eritrea wouldn’t want you to be queen of theirs.