|WELL AT FIRST I WAS SAD . . .|
But then I realized I'm gorgeous and he's a turd!
So I think everything's going to be okay.
After giving him the key to her home a month ago, Katy was reportedly hoping to take their relationship "to the next level." Meaning to get him to settle the fuck down and be monogamous.
But of course, you can't take the John Mayer out of John Mayer, and within weeks he was up to his old tricks, disappearing for days at a time and then showing up for "booty calls" and wheedling that he was "ready to try" to behave.
Which lasted two, maybe three days, and then he'd be off whoring again. With whom, I cannot say or even imagine. It is literally unfathomable to me how he continues to rope in pretty, talented women who are far too good for him . . . or any women at all, for that matter . . . when it is well-documented that he is a full-blown, stage-3 creep. (Past girlfriends he has traumatized include Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jennifer Aniston and Minka Kelly.)
His "fear of committing" is the stuff of legend. As is his inability to be faithful, his penchant for blabbing his girlfriends' "sex secrets," his high opinion of himself, his apparent aversion to haircuts, shaving and facial scrubs . . . well, I could go on but I'm afraid I'll retch all over my keyboard.
It should be noted that this is the second time Katy has kicked the Mayer of Slutsville to the curb. Hopefully this time it will take.
Editor's note: I did like that one song he did, though . . . what was it called?
My note: It was called "I'm the biggest mistake you'll ever make."
Editor's note: No it wasn't.
My note: It was called "A dirt sandwich is better than I am."
Editor's note: No it wasn't that, either. You're being silly.
My note: Fine. It was called "Your Body is a Wonderland." (But it should have been called "And you'd be CRAZY to let me touch it!")