Sunday, 21 October 2012

NICOLE SEIZED WITH SUDDEN URGE TO BASH TOM

Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, Harpers Bazaar,
Harper's Bazaar/November 2012
 
Nicole Kidman has finally lifted her self-imposed fatwah on discussing Tom Cruise and their marriage. Which ended 11 years ago and wasn't very interesting even back then, but, hey, everybody deals with things in their own time. It is unfortunate that Nicole's "own time" happened exactly when Tom is coping with the loss of his hologram wife, Katie Holmes, because it looks a bit like kicking a man when he's down, but oh well. There are movies to be promoted and Tom is trending right now. So it's her time. And she's talkin' . . . 

In the November issue of Harper's Bazaar, Kidman reveals that marriage to Tom was "overwhelming" and sometimes felt "really strange" and "not comfortable at all." (Which sounds to me like code for "fake but profitable marriage ordained by Xenu.") There were times, I'm sure, that the overwhelming strangeness almost drove her to the point of expressing emotion. Those were bad days; she would have to sit in a darkened room and soak her face in botox for one solid hour on those days. 

But it all worked out in the end, because she went on to hitch her wagon to the lovely Keith Urban, whom she says makes her feel confident and gets her to try new things, such as exploring her sexuality. She might have said more, but at that point I slammed the magazine shut and had a little throw-up. 

I mean, really. Are we pretending we don't remember that Keith practically gave her cooties when he cheated on her with that skank "model" (more code, this time for "stripper") barely six months into their marriage?
We are?
Oh. I didn't get that memo 
Well, I'm sure Nicole will be ready to talk about that some day.  In her own time.