Saturday, 13 October 2012

PIZZA HUT DEBUTS HOTDOG-STUFFED HORROR

Now available in Canada. You've been warned.
Who wants some mystery meat-filled 'za? Yeah, that's right. Nobody.

Great news! No, wait, disgusting news! No, wait ... oh forget it. I'll just let you decide for yourself. (You'll find out where I stand on this issue in the very next sentence.) The "hotdog-stuffed crust," a horrifying Pizza Hut creation that had until now been safely quarantined in the UK, has come to Canada. I'm not sure whose bright idea it was to bring it here when it so obviously should have been shipped directly to Honey Boo Boo's dinner table, but nevertheless, it's here. I came face to face with this abomination yesterday when someone brought one in to work for us to snack on. Glowing with colours and textures not seen since the days when everything was made of either melamine or plastic, the thing was so weird it was fascinating. But appetizing? Uh, no. 
I mean, my co-workers will eat anything, and yet NONE OF US would touch this thing. Oh, we circled it. We peered at it. We said things like "Eeew, it's got that weird cheese on it," and "Gross! There's a weenie in the crust!" The accompanying "drizzle," a vile honey mustard sauce the exact colour of squished bug guts, pretty much sealed the deal.
I didn't even bother to Google the nutritional information, because really, how good can it be if it's got Cheez Whiz  on top and a friggin' hotdog in the crust? 
The only mitigating factor is that this is a "limited engagement" food horror: it's only here until Nov. 25. After that, we'll be safe again ... until some genius decides to bring Scotland's beloved haggis-stuffed crust across the drink.