Tuesday, 16 October 2012

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT MENTION THE SEX TAPE!

I AM SERIOUSLY VEXED ABOUT THAT SEX TAPE
You know the one. The one of me, obviously still 
a studly stud-muffin, having it off with my  
best bud's wife? You must have heard about it! 
I'm very, very upset about it. I do NOT want you to
 even mention it. Oh, btw, this here is my now 
ex-wife Linda. I was still married to her at 
the time of the sex tape that I DO NOT 
WANT ANYONE TO KNOW ABOUT!!!
Photo/CreStock
In an increasingly desperate bid to draw attention to the leaked sex tape nobody wants to see, Hulk Hogan is launching a whopping lawsuit against the key offenders. Oblivious to the irony, he's casting himself as the victim in this sordid affair, insisting his privacy was breached by the filming of his grotesque geezer romp. (Apparently his high moral standards kicked in AFTER he had sex with his best friend's wife.)  
Frankly, I think we'd all be happy to pretend it never happened if he'd just shut up and let us forget about it. But the man hasn't stopped yammering about the "shocking tape" since it was shockingly leaked. He is determined to let everyone know about this tape that he doesn't want anyone to know about. 

And just when the whole mess looked like it was finally going to crawl off and die, he gives it another goose by suing Gawker website and Bubba the Love Sponge, husband of the skank who plays his love interest in the sex tape.  
Hulk is suing for the absurd sum of $100 milllion. Which, coincidentally, is exactly the amount I'd be willing to pay him to JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

Editor's note: For once, I agree with you. I mean, really. There are some people you don't ever want to imagine with their clothes off, let alone having . . . you know. And for me, Hulk Hogan is No. 4 on that list, surpassed only by Phil Spector, Donatella Versace and Octomom.