Sunday, 28 October 2012


Carrie: There is no substitute. 

Photo: Henry Harris/Featureflash

No, no, no, no, no, no, a thousand times, no. In no way is this a good idea. In no way is this going to work. In no way is this a permissible whoring of my beloved Carrie and even more beloved Sex and the City. Some things are just sacred. Carrie being one of them, and Sex and the City being another.

SATC is not The Young and the Restless. You can't just sub in completely different people and then be all, "What? No, it's Carrie! When she was younger!" Because if you do that, we will instantly know that you don't get it, that you are not one of us and therefore that no stupid show you have cooked up could possibly be worth watching. So we won't watch it.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
In case you hadn't heard, there's a new show afoot entitled The Carrie Diaries. It stars a young woman who looks nothing like Carrie Bradshaw would ever have looked who plays Carrie at 16 (see photo, right). Here's the premise: When you get old, you dry up. And so does the money your show generated. So ... hang on, I've just been poked in the eye with a sharp stick by the crack publicity team at The Carrie Diaries. Here is what I was SUPPOSED to say: 
It's 1984, young Carrie's mom has died, she's got a rebellious sister, an overwhelmed dad, a stereotypical crew of friends and a boring life in Connecticut. Her dad offers her a job at a law firm in Manhattan, she  moves to NYC, and as we all know, the greatest love affair in TV history begins. (And I don't understand how suddenly she's headed for a career in law, but I at least understand her booking it out of Connecticut because it sounds so boring even I was thinking about taking that job.)

Why is this even being allowed? Oh. Right. Money. 
The only thing, the ONLY thing that makes this sacrilege even remotely tolerable is that it might save the shitreous SATC2 movie from going down in history as the most shameful sequel ever. 
And if you ask me, that's too high a price to pay to let them mess with our memories...

Editor's note: I'd shut up now if I were you. Cuz here they come again with that sharp stick.