Sunday, 18 November 2012

CELEBRITY TEETH THAT SCARE THE CR*P OUT OF ME

"TSK. YOU POOR, LESSER CELEBRITIES.
DON'T YOU KNOW THE SECRET?"
If you don't like your teeth, you don't have to get 
them fixed, you just have to keep your mouth shut
 at all times, like I do. Ever see a pic of me smiling 
with my mouth open? No. And here's why: 
Click on Eek! A mouse!
Photo/CreStock 
 
A funny thing happens to celebrities when they get a little bit of fame and a lot of money. They start spending it on things they think will help them get a little more fame. Things that sometimes do the complete opposite, on account of they render said celebrity creepy and unrecognizable. Things like bad boob jobs, bad face lifts, bad marriages and, perhaps worst of all, big, bad, buck-toothed veneers from Steve Harvey's private designer collection.

Because it is Monday and we all need a hit of something to make us laugh without having to actually think too much, I present you with this gallery of celebs who went and got TEETH THAT SCARE THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME:

Snooki Snookums? Is that you, or did Mr. Ed the Talking Horse put your face over his head? ("Hello, Clarice..." ) These jacked-up horrors actually make me miss your old Jersey Shore snaggles. Click on Ewok Teeth.

Hillary Duff Whoa! What the hay? Well that'll teach you to try and save a buck by getting your veneers installed by a veterinarian. Click on A horse, of course.  

Gary Busey Great mother of pearl! I realize the man survived a cataclysmic motorcycle accident that took out his teeth AND his brain, but holy moly. He doesn't have people? People who can tell him, "Uh, Gary, those aren't teeth, those are press-on nails. Here baby, lemme help get you to a dentist..." Click on Mommy, that man's teeth scare me!

Joe Biden These gleaming onesies just scream "GEEZHER!" I'm shorry, Joe. Denturesh that look like denturesh aren't shexshy. (And also, you're the vice-president of the U.S. of A. Get help.) Click on Polident much?  
 
NeNe Leakes Nice try, NeNe. But not even that blinding wall of white concrete in your mouth will distract me from the stupid things that come out of it. Click on No, no, NeNe.  

Mike Tyson Dude. They were bad enough BEFORE you put the gold caps over top of 'em. Now you not only act like the kind of guy who would behead hamsters will his bare teef, but you look like one too. (And I would tell him that to his face, too . . . if I weren't terrified he might think I'm a hamster. Maybe YOU could tell him?) Click on Please don't eat me!