Tuesday, 27 November 2012

DOLLY PARTON IS PERHAPS ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY

HERE WE HAVE DOLLY PARTON
 just coincidentally posing with Queen Latifah
... another woman who is perhaps absolutely not gay.
Photo/CreStock

 
Here in Toronto, all anybody can talk about is how Mayor Rob Ford (and therefore his manitou brother, Doug) was turfed out of office yesterday over a conflict of interest. But the rest of the world is obsessed with much more important matters. 

I refer, of course, to the issue of Dolly Parton's sexual orientation. 

In an interview on Nightline last night, Dolly was presented with the persistent, recurring rumour that she's gay. (Which must really suck for Dolly. For the first 30 years of her career, she had to laugh off the boob jokes. Now it's all lesbian questions. At some point the woman must just want to say, "Look, I've had two thousand hit songs and I've been famous since before dust was born. Could you maybe ask me something about my damn music?"
But no, Nightline doesn't deal with that kind of piffle. They want the dirt. The hard stuff. The goods. Cough it up, Dollybird! Is you is or is you ain't a lesbian?)

Dolly responded that she and her BFF Judy Ogle have been bosom buddies since they were children (so, even during puberty!?!) and that they have a great relationship but are not "romantically involved." Surely, Dolly said, just as Oprah's  boyfriend of 26 years is "proof" that Oprah is straight, Dolly's husband of 46 years is pretty good proof that she's straight too?
Then she immediately clouded that logic by adding that her husband "is not the least bit threatened by the fact that I might be gay."
Oh! Er, that you might be gay? So ... you're gay? Or not?

I'm not sure what the psychology is behind Dolly's bizarre public denial that she is gay, but the effect it had was to immediately make me wonder whether in fact Dolly might be gay.   
And if she IS gay, all I can say is: couldn't you have told us sooner? Because we might have been able to stomach the image of you and your best friend naked and having it off 25 years ago when you were FORTY, but now? Please. Our systems were not meant to cope with that kind of visual.  

Oprah's note: Dolly, I love you like you're my own gay sister, but would y'all just leave me out of this?
Editor's note: Gayle King is your sister?