Tuesday, 6 November 2012


 Without even realizing it, a hurricane-rattled Katie Holmes
reverts to the old TomKat days and makes the secret 
L. Ron Hubbard-summoning hand gesture.
Photo: CreStock

That Katie Holmes, she's real people. When Hurricane Sandy blasted the Eastern seaboard, smiting some people more equally than others, it did not spare Katie or little Suri, and Katie braved it like a trooper.  

The Huffington Post reports that her luxury building in NYC lost power Monday night, forcing its wealthy residents to make do with whatever Egyptian albino beeswax candles the maids could find. Katie was a good sport about that, although when the water shut off and you couldn't even flush a toilet, she decided it was time to "abandon her home and find temporary housing."

And when I say "temporary housing," I don't mean that Katie and Suri went to a rec centre filled with sweaty displaced normal people. I mean they got into a chauffeured limousine and checked into the ultra-exclusive Mark Hotel. ("Hello, room service? Suri's hungry but we don't want her usual favourite. We're playing "Just Like Poor People" today, so I was thinking maybe some weiners and beans? But could you make sure the weiners are made from grain-fed spring lambs and the beans were picked by Third World artisans making a living wage? We're playing, but not that much ...")

Now before you get all huffy and snort, "Who the hell does she think she is?" just remember, Katie is real people and she did not escape unscathed. A "building insider" (my money's on the doorman) told Huff Po that once she had made the decision to bail, she and Suri had to contend with a terrifying darkened staircase. "They had to walk from the 12th floor, with no lights, like everyone else,” the insider said.
Of course, if she were still of the coven, Katie could have been transported from the 12th floor by sheer Xenu mind-waves, but then she'd have had to go to another of those damn meetings and wear that weird headwire thing that gave her bad dreams for days afterwards, so obviously, even in the wake of a hurricane, she knows it is far, far better to be real people.

Oh, hang on, I'm hearing something ... Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! "Room service? Suri upchucked the weiners and beans. We'll take her usual pressed duck terrine with chanterelles after all..."