Sunday, 4 November 2012

NO MEANS NO . . . AND SO DOES 'I'M BUSY THAT NIGHT'

EXCUSE # 2: 
Well I WOULD ... if I didn't have 
this exciting three-hour date with a 
hairdryer.
A few months ago, some friends and I met up for beer and wings. One of the friends started talking about his exciting new relationship. There was just one problem, he said. "She's so busy, I hardly ever get to see her."
A female friend and I exchanged a knowing look. We women can do that. We can exchange a half-second look and have an entire conversation without saying a word. And what we said was this: 

"Poor bastard. He doesn't get it. 
I know, right? 
She's too busy to see her new boyfriend? 
Please. Oldest excuse in the book!
You should tell him.
No YOU should tell him.
Well someone's gotta tell him..."

In the end, I told him. He immediately began making excuses for her, but within weeks the "relationship" had ended. In truth, it had never really started. It is commonly believed that women are the worst self-kidders in this regard, so much so that an episode of Sex And The City, a movie and a bestselling book (He's Just Not That Into You) were built on it. The message was this: The reason he hasn't asked you out is that he's just not that into you. Stop kidding yourself and move on.  
Simple, brilliant, liberating.
But there's a version of that advice for men, too, and that is: "She Just Doesn't Want To." Since no one has written that book yet, here's a guide to the excuses women give and what they really mean. 

What she says: "I'm super busy right now."  
What she means: "I just don't want to."

What she says: "I have a hair appointment that day."  
What she means: "I just don't want to."

What she says: "I don't want to ruin our friendship."  
What she means: "I just don't want to because I'm not sexually attracted to you."

What she says: "I really have to clean my house."  
What she means: "Please stop asking. I am running out of excuses."

There are, of course, situations when women aren't interested in dating ANYONE, but most of the time, she's not accepting the date bait because she doesn't like that flavour of bait. Sorry. We would tell you using our silent "eye contact" language if we could, but none of you speak it. Oh, and the friend I mentioned at the beginning? He's happily dating someone else now. Someone who DID want to, and said so the first time he asked.

Editor's note: So all those excuses you gave me . . .

My note: "I'd rather boil my own head and eat it" is not exactly an excuse, though, is it?