Tuesday, 6 November 2012

SIGNS YOU MAY BE GETTING TOO OLD FOR STILETTOS

FROM SATAN'S FALL COLLECTION
For 8.5 hours I strutted around in these  
suede vice grips, pretending the pain 
wasn't shooting flaming daggers into me
The second I left the office, I tore them off  
like they were made of poison.

I know it's hard to believe by looking at these spiky six-inchers, but I twisted my ankle in my favourite shoes today and it kinda hurts. I whined about it to a co-worker and she snickered. 
"Really? They look so comfortable," she said.

"F*ck off, bitch," I retorted.
(Well no. I didn't. Because I love her. But it flashed through my mind like a laser for one brief satisfying moment.) 

Anyway, you know what this means, right? 
It means it may be time for me to stop stop wearing killer stilettos and start wearing comfortable, age-appropriate flats.

Hahaha, as if! That is the stupidest sentence I have ever written! For the record, I will go to my GRAVE in shoes like this, people. As God is my witness, I will.