Anyway, my point is I read some news Sunday that could be interpreted as a minor miracle. I refer to the one and only Naomi Campbell. Many of us know her as that spoiled supermodel who thinks her exotic beauty entitles her to snort coke till she goes fit-throwing mad and beats the crap out of her personal assistants.
Which, of course, she is.
Or rather was.
According to Britain's Mail Online, Naomi has settled down and "put her cocaine, phone-flinging days well behind her." What brought about this remarkable transformation? Well, she discovered Kabbalah and healthy eating. Oh, and also, she's trying to bag a billionaire husband. Naomi is dating Russian moneybags Vladislav Doronin, a clean-living health nut whose idea of a good stiff drink is a cup of Gyokuro tea. A coke-addled crazy who uses her BlackBerry as a set of nunchuks? Not going to be taking that to the altar, thank you.
So shrewd Naomi is making nice. Very nice. One might say creepy nice.
Not only has she has she sworn off the mood-altering stimulants, but she has taken to signing her emails "love and light" and posting homespun philosophy on Twitter. Thursday’s thought for the day was: "Minds are like parachutes — they won’t work unless they are open."
Yeah-h-h-h, that's nice. I really admire bullies who turn their life around and start quoting homilies at me. But I tell you this, I don't trust them for one dang second. It's only a matter of time until this billionaire does something that ignites her hairtrigger temper and his face winds up on the receiving end of the most expensive cellphone on the market.
Taking bets right here, right now.
Editor's note: "Minds are like parachutes, they won’t work unless they are open." That's deep.
My note: *makes spitting sound* You know what else is like parachutes? Billionaires' wallets.