|Merry Christmas, ordinary people! Tyra wants you to love yourself just as you are. |
(Well sure, why not? And while I'm at it, why don't I just strap an elephant
on my back and run up Mount Kilimanjaro backwards too?)
I just love it when women who look like Tyra tell me to love myself no matter what shape and size I am. Easy for you to say, Amazon woman. Come walk around in my body for a few days and say that. Come and experience the heads not turning as you walk down the street. Come and savour the delicious feeling of standing naked in front of a full-length mirror as you whimper: “Tyra says I should love my body just the way it is." Be amazed by the stab of searing, venomous rage as you screech: " I HATE TYRA BANKS!”
Listen Cosmo, nobody wants to hear that shit from curvy, bronzed goddesses in the middle of our holiday porkouts, okay? Put Beth Ditto on that damn cover. Or Kirstie Alley. Or Melissa McCarthy. Matter of fact, put a suckling pig with an apple in its mouth on the cover and tell us to go hog-wild this Christmas season. Now THAT would be flawsome!