|YOOHOO! VITO? HAS ANYBODY SEEN VITO? |
My new boyfriend, Vito? No, seriously,
where's Vito? I NEED VITO!
Vito is kind of hard to get a bead on. He looks like a street fighter who might occasionally snort enough cocaine to fill his entire head, but I am being asked to believe that he is a sophisticated art dealer. The kind of art dealer who is an art dealer because his father is famous painter Julian Schnabel, but who doesn't actually deal much art because he's far too busy getting loaded and grinding all over celebrity cougars. Demi's is not the first well-cured hide he has cuddled up to; Vito has also dated Elle McPherson, 49, Liv Tyler, 35, and Betty White. (Oh, wait. Sorry. Not that last one. That was just a one-night stand.)
On the weekend, media outlets reported Demi was seen dirty dancing and "getting down" in Miami with new beau Vito, yet every photo showed her with a sheepish Lenny Kravitz. Hmm.
Oh well. I'm sure Vito was lurking in the background, just waiting for the liquor to kick in so he could forget how embarrassing Demi looked while warming up to grind all over him.
But don't take my word for it, click through the eye-popping photos in the links below. Forget reading between the lines, the whole story is RIGHT THERE, right in front of you. Click on:
1) Lenny: Where the hell is that Vito guy?
2) Lenny: Girl you need to stop that.
3) Demi: Vito! Vito? Dude, hurry! I'm ready!
4) Vito: Maybe this will wash the taste of last night out of my body!
Editor's note: Coincidentally, while mom was twerkin' in Miami, her daughter Rumer, PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AGE AS VITO SCHNABEL, sent out an Instagram of herself tucked in bed with one of her dogs. Click on I'll just let the photo supply the scathing irony for me.