Sunday, 30 December 2012

HORNY DENTIST FIRES WOMAN FOR BEING IRRESISTIBLE

I CAN'T BELIEVE I STILL HAVE A JOB!
Because obviously, I am totally irresistible,
and in Iowa and other backward parts of 
the world, a woman can get fired for that.



Okay, okay. You've beaten me down. I simply cannot hold back the tidal wave of public suspicion any longer. So yes. Yes. YES! It's true: I am the woman who was fired for being "irresistible."

And in an amazing coincidence, there is another woman who was fired for being irresistible, and her story made headlines everywhere. Because people want to know what a woman who is irresistible looks like, so they can see if maybe they could actually resist her.

So of course, I researched the story and discovered that this supposedly irresistible woman, Melissa Nelson of Iowa, is in fact stunningly average. I really can't see how she could be irresistible to anyone except maybe the casting agent for a fabric softener commercial. 

At any rate, some poor schmo dentist who has to look at people's cavities all day looked up at her and decided HOLY CRAP! It's Sofia Vergara! And from there it went on to flirting, "bulging trousers" and all kinds of naughtiness ... but not, we are asked to believe, any actual cheating. Because they're both married to other people and Melissa may be irresistible but she is not a whore. Even though she sounds like one.

So eventually, the dentist's stupid wife made him fire her. (Because obviously that's all that was needed to turn her husband back into an upstanding, trustworthy man.)

Melissa filed a wrongful dismissal charge, the case went to court and dammit, even the judge agreed that she is IRRESISTIBLE and should not work for this married dude ever again. Melissa may be irresistible but she does not seem to be too smart, because although she wants us to believe her boss's come-ons were unwanted, she supplied the courts with such unhelpful tidbits as this: 
  • She regularly complained to her horndog boss about the infrequency of her love life.  
  • She and her boss texted back and forth, discussing such work-related topics as the frequency of her orgasms.  
  • She relied upon her boss's "bulging pants" to determine whether her clothes were appropriate or not. (No bulge? Boring. Try harder tomorrow. Moderate bulge? Continue working. Large bulge? Inappropriate! Way to go!)

If you're the kind of person who likes to flirt with danger, click on this link to see what "irresistible" looks like. WARNING: Do NOT look if you are married, engaged, on probation with conditions not to look at pictures of irresistible women. I will not be responsible for your lapsed virtue.

Editor's note: I suddenly have a burning urge to schedule a dental check-up.