Monday, 24 December 2012


ICE: Hey, is that fool over there
lookin' at your boobs?
 COCO: No, of course not, Baby.
Why would anybody do that?

Photo: Steve Vas/Featureflash
Dilemma: You're an aging, paunchy, somewhat ... how do i put this delicately? ... pug-faced rapper who hasn't had a hit since around the time MC Hammer pants were in style. Your wife is a balloon-breasted hottie 21 years your junior who has finally achieved her life's goal: performing topless in Vegas. Your marriage is now under siege from horny rappers who want to sleep with her...and she kinda doesn't mind. In fact she kinda slut-cuddles with them for photos. And posts the photos on Twitter. And thereby makes you a laughingstock. 

Solutions: What to do? Well, if you're one of the new crew of rappers, you might pop a cap in somebody's *ss.

If you're slightly older but still have that young-blood grrrr, you might "wile out" with the ultimate old-school weapon: your fists.

But if you're 54 years of age, you have mom butt and, truth be told, you're starting to really enjoy going to bed early with a cup of peppermint tea (keeps you regular), you might ease your dimply buttocks into a pair of loose-fitting gym shorts and take your balloon-breasted young wife to the gym for a rousing couples workout. (Click here and tell me this doesn't scream "I HAVE MOM BUTT!")

Risk factor: Moderate to high. On the minus side, she will see you looking middle-aged in workout gear that was clearly chosen for style rather than actually working out. Similarly, there will be the unavoidable leaked photos (do you celebrities STILL not get it? TMZ sees everything!) that will make you look goofy and will make her look hot.
On the plus side, she might sweat off some of the excess estrogen that is only going to get her in trouble.

Better Idea: Start showing up at her popular Vegas Peepshow looking like scary old Uncle Knuckles, glowering at the horny young men in attendance and making everyone feel creepy. That show will be cancelled within weeks!

Editor's note: I would need more information before I could decide whether I agree with you or not. Such as *ahem* Coco's chest measurements . . .
My note: Yeah, say that in front of ICE-T. Here's a link to the now-infamous pix of Coco cuddling up to rapper AP-9, and another link to pix of scary old Uncle Knuckles.