|EXCUSE ME, GOOD SIR, COULD YOU DIRECT ME |
to the easy-to-assemble Haagen Flärdful?
I am the biggest procrastinator ever. How many days left till Christmas and I've barely even started to get ready. (That's a huge lie. "Barely even started" would mean I had actually done something.) You know how bad it is? This afternoon, a tiny rhesus macaque, nattily attired in a shearling coat, was on the loose at an IKEA store in Toronto. At first, everyone thought it was just Chris Kattan and kept shopping. But then they realized, "WTF? It's a teeny tiny monkey!"
The whole city was talking about it. It was on the news. It was "trending" on Twitter: Holy crap! A monkey! In a coat! At IKEA? Not Walmart? What does that monkey know that we don't know?"
Me? My first reaction was: "Holy crap! A monkey! In a coat! At IKEA? He's obviously doing his Christmas shopping. EVEN A MONKEY HAS MORE SENSE THAN I DO!"
Little shit totally ruined my day.
Click here for pictures of the devil-primate on his short-lived shopping spree.