Tuesday, 18 December 2012


The Kardashian-Jenner clan's 2012 family Christmas card  
Clockwise from left: Kylie, Kim, Rob, Lamar, Khloe, Kris, Kendall, 
Kourtney with Penelope, Scott, Mason and Bruce.
Photographer/Nick Saglimbeni
The Kardashian clan has released their annual Christmas card. Thank heavens. I was getting worried. Were you getting worried? Cuz it just isn't Christmas without this mob flaunting their unfathomable wealth and mind-boggling mediocrity. 
I don't have too much to say about this card, which basically speaks for itself, but I couldn't help noticing a few things. Let's walk through it together, shall we? 

For starters, Khloe and Lamar (centre, right) couldn't be there for the shoot because they were fighting, but were digitally added afterwards. It's good to know that's doable, because Lamar may need to be digitally subtracted someday.

Poor (now dead) little Mercy, the kitten Kanye gave Kim and Kim gave to an assistant, makes an appearance. In a box rather than in Kim's arms. Because Kim would rather hold almost anything than a stinky cat.

Rob Kardashian, third from left: Who?

Kendall (far right) has been pointedly marked as the next Kardashian pimp project: note the backless dress and carefully posed and exposed legs. They say "LOOK AT ME, AMERICA! I AM YOUR NEXT KARDASHIAN (even though my last name is Jenner)!"

Bruce Jenner (centre) probably requested to be seated as far away from Kris as was possible without inflaming the rumours of marital discord. (Bruce to photographer *whispering*: "That woman scares the shit out of me!")

Scott Disick, seated at front: Ostensibly Kourtney's husband. Sockless. Smileless. Charmless. Shameless. The word "man-whore" suddenly springs, unbidden, to mind.

And lastly: But I thought white was the colour of virginity?