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| KIMORA & DJIMON IN HAPPIER TIMES Just one of many couples who kicked off the holiday season with a divorce. (Eeew! Dude! That nasty goat-beard is probably the reason she left you!) Photo/CreStock |
(Lawyer: That'll be $5,000. Jason: If I give you $6,000, could you change my middle name to Very?)
In other
disintegrating families news: Kris and Bruce Jenner are SPLITTING UP! Star
magazine says Bruce has moved out because he can't take any more
of Kris's bullying and emasculation (and not a moment too soon; he's
practically a goddam woman). But wait! Now Kris and Bruce have issued an extremely gross and completely staged video of themselves cavorting in a Christmas tree lot
while they pick out the tree that Kris will later ram up his arse while
screeching: "CALL ME MASTER! SAY IT!" This obviously proves that
everything is fine and that Star is lying and so are all the other magazines that
have pix of Kris canoodling with younger guys who actually look like males of
the species as opposed to Wax-faced Girlie Man. (What? That's what she calls him. I read it somewhere...)
In other this-one's-for-sure disintegrating families news: Kimora Lee, who traded in Russell
Simmons six years ago for a younger, hotter model (actor Djimon Hounsou), has now dumped the younger, hotter model as well. She is going through your typical sad
adjustment phase, holing up at home, looking drab and eating too much cake. As we can clearly
see in THIS PHOTO right here.
Editor's note: Thank heavens the feast of the Birth of Our Lord is mere
hours away, because I don't know how much more of this
Christmas cheer I can take.
The Kris and Bruce Xmas tree video was very sad. No wonder she's divorcing him. He managed in two minutes to expose her as the vain, and obviously heavy COW she is. Kris, lose a few and Bruce, start working out those pecs. Oh and someone should Justin Bieber that the hamster, glass tube and lighter trick is an URBAN LEGEND. Don't try it, Justin.
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