|KIMORA & DJIMON IN HAPPIER TIMES|
Just one of many couples who kicked off
the holiday season with a divorce.
(Eeew! Dude! That nasty goat-beard
is probably the reason she left you!)
(Lawyer: That'll be $5,000. Jason: If I give you $6,000, could you change my middle name to Very?)
In other disintegrating families news: Kris and Bruce Jenner are SPLITTING UP! Star magazine says Bruce has moved out because he can't take any more of Kris's bullying and emasculation (and not a moment too soon; he's practically a goddam woman). But wait! Now Kris and Bruce have issued an extremely gross and completely staged video of themselves cavorting in a Christmas tree lot while they pick out the tree that Kris will later ram up his arse while screeching: "CALL ME MASTER! SAY IT!" This obviously proves that everything is fine and that Star is lying and so are all the other magazines that have pix of Kris canoodling with younger guys who actually look like males of the species as opposed to Wax-faced Girlie Man. (What? That's what she calls him. I read it somewhere...)
In other this-one's-for-sure disintegrating families news: Kimora Lee, who traded in Russell Simmons six years ago for a younger, hotter model (actor Djimon Hounsou), has now dumped the younger, hotter model as well. She is going through your typical sad adjustment phase, holing up at home, looking drab and eating too much cake. As we can clearly see in THIS PHOTO right here.
Editor's note: Thank heavens the feast of the Birth of Our Lord is mere hours away, because I don't know how much more of this Christmas cheer I can take.