Sunday, 9 December 2012

WEIGHT WATCHERS ENRAGED BY JESSICA'S FERTILITY

JUST MONTHS AGO, CHUBBY JESS WAS 
WEIGHT WATCHERS' DREAM COME TRUE. 
Then the selfish bitch had to go and ruin it all 
with her out-of-control mothering urges.

I smell burning fat. Weight Watchers is said to be sizzling mad at Jessica Simpson for having the dirty nerve to get knocked up while she was supposed to be starving herself down to a marketable version of herself.

Jess, who packed on a porking 70 pounds in her pregnancy, recently scored a $4 million contract with Weight Watchers.
But she's been blowing it from the get-go.
In her first weight-loss ad, the Weight Watchers gestapo ruled she still looked too fat and insisted she only be filmed from the waist up. Which is hilarious, because that's where all her weight is! 

And then Jess dropped a whole lotta pounds, started looking hottalicious enough to convince Weight Watchers that maybe they DIDN'T just throw $4 million out the drive-thru window, and BAM. Oopsie! Giggle! Jess announces she's pregnant again. Just seven months after giving birth to her first child. (And she's totally confused because she didn't even realize you could get pregnant that way! "Like, I mean, I kept my eyes closed the whole time, so ... how did the baby even get in?")

Now Weight Watchers says the second ad is probably useless too, because who wants to hear a pregnant woman yapping about dieting? Well, it would seem the simple solution would be to put the contract on hold until Fertile Myrtle gives birth to baby No. 2. Or just find another celebrity struggling with weight issues.
 
Editor's note: Good luck finding one of those in Hollywood.