Saturday, 1 December 2012


The desperately unattractive Sofia Vergara 
is increasingly being forced to turn to character roles, 
such as a lace-clad, playfight-loving bisexual 
in the upcoming Faded Gigolo. I smell an Oscar . . . 

Whoever's job it is to sit around thinking up raunchy movie scenes is going to get a HUGE promotion for this one. 
Panderer: "Hey! How 'bout this: A steamy sex scene between Sofia Vergara and Sharon Stone!" 
Boss: I was thinking more like Rihanna and Chris Brown tweeting pix of themselves faking sex, but this? Wow. I bow to you!

The two women and their four breasts will star in a movie with the working title Faded Gigolo (I leave it to you to figure out who gets the "faded" role), playing out-of-control bisexuals. And because this kind of blah isn't going to appeal to anyone, they are REALLY having to drum up interest with publicity stunts such as this one, staged yesterday behind conveniently see-through curtains in downtown NYC . . . 

Picture it: Sofia clad in black lace lingerie two sizes too small, Sharon Stone clad in ... well, nothing ... embracing and kissing and generally doing whatever they can to get this movie to within a hair's breadth of the dreaded R rating. And, by all accounts, failing miserably. Because the director made them shoot it over and over and over and over. The poor dumb bunnies obviously just couldn't get it right.

Sofia: "Ay, dios mio, I so tired. Can we be feenished?"
Director: Er ... gulp ... the,uh ... the light was all wrong. Just one more time.
Sofia: Oh. Should I take more close off?
Director: Heheheheh!
Sharon: Fuck off, asshole. We're done.
Director: Ok.

Me: Oh. You're still here? Well you might want to click on this link, then, to some snippets of totally titillating dreck. Or not.