|"OMIGAWD, HELP ME, SAVE ME, I AM |
SO SCARED OF NICKI MINAJ! EEK! EEK!"
(OK, are we done? Does my hair look pretty?
Where's my chauffeur? I want to go home now.)
For weeks, we've been warned that things could get testy between the diva doyenne and the ghetto goddess. O-o-oh, two big egos in one room. It's never been done before. Anything could happen. MAKE SURE YOU WATCH AND SEE!!!
Yeah, well, when a show is in its 12th season and it's starting to get boring, you can't take any chances. You've got to make sure people really "get" this drama message.
And then suddenly, we've got a leaked video of Nicki cussing out Mariah and allegedly threatening to get a gun and shoot her up. Conveniently, and probably for legal reasons, this death threat snippet wasn't actually recorded. On account of it very likely did not happen. At all.
But next thing you know, Mariah is telling Barbara Walters ... Huh? Why the hell is Babwa suddenly involved? Are the ratings really THAT dire? ... that she is beefing up security in case Nicki makes good on this imaginary threat.
And then we're seeing pix of the diva prancing around town, flanked by security guards and a large sunbrella, because heaven knows security guards saved Biggie's life, didn't they? And also Tupak's life, and JFK's life and . . . well, you get the point.
Fakery dakery dock. The fakes made up the Glock.
Editor's note: Yeah it's totally fake. But . . . one moment please, I've just been handed this urgent message from the p.r. reps at American Idol. Ahem. It says: "Yeah but there's still a chance that scary, scary Nicki Minaj COULD KILL MARIAH RIGHT THERE ON AMERICAN IDOL!!! Be sure to tune in and see for yourself!"