|ARNIE, SHOWN HAVING AN UNFORTUNATE |
SENIOR'S MOMENT AT A BOOK SIGNING
"Hey, who are all these people? Where am I?
What's my name? Why am I holding a book,
I can't even read!"
Yes, yes, I realize it's been 30 years since he first burst onto the screen as Conan the barely intelligible Barbarian. I also realize the man is now a card-carrying senior citizen. But this is not your average mortal. This is Conan, king of the gonads, master of his own domain and all that live within it. Including the live-in nanny and any other female who can't move fast enough to get away.
And so the newly single 65-year-old is now hard at it, prepping for his role and working hard to ensure his liver-spotted junk does not inspire guffaws when it makes its reappearance in high-def.
In a loin-cloth.
Keeping up a break-neck pace that would wear out most mortals half his age, Conan the Sexagenarian is reportedly knocking back DHEA cocktails and botox shots like there's no tomorrow, pumping iron and doing squats and lunges and lurches and leers and any other kind of workout that takes his fancy and tones his glutes.
Universal notes the movie will air in 2014 and that . . . whoa, what? 2014? Oh dear. Risky.
Well, here's hoping the old buzzard is still alive to see his own comeback.