Tuesday, 8 January 2013


for this face and the faces of all my adopted 
children will be among the only ones to survive 
should disaster ever visit the western hemisphere.

When Iran finally finishes that totally innocent hydro plant it's building and bombs North America, you know who's going to be saved? Not you and I, that's for sure. However, we can take some comfort in the fact that Brangelina and their kibbutz will be the first ones ushered into the bombshelter. (I'm sorry, Barack, you'll just have to wait your turn.) 

We got a sneak preview of the importance security forces attach to the royals last Friday, when Brangelina's brats were horsing around in their Hollywood Hills mansion and pushed a panic alarm for kicks "by accident."  Because that's what billionaire brats do when they're bored and they don't feel like playing polo or having takeout flown in from Paris. 

Brad and Angelina were not home at the time, so the kids were in the care of the nanny, who is no doubt lining up outside the pogie office right now after this one. 
(Angelina: "For God's sake, Guadalupe, did I not tell you a thousand times not to let the children touch that button? The one thing I told you to watch out for! *spits on floor* Ptooey! See if I ever hire an El Salvadorean again!"  
Brad: "Now, Ange, don't be so hard on . . ."  
Ange: "Why are you talking? Did I tell you you could talk? DOES SOMEONE WANT TO SLEEP ON THE JENNIFER COUCH TONIGHT?"   
Brad: *gulp* "I'll be good.") 

And here is what happened when that button got pushed: A friggin' police feeding-frenzy ensued. A phalanx of squad cars raced to the home. Followed by fire trucks. Followed by helicopters. That's right, helicopters. Because, by God, it was the Brangelina panic button, so the safety of the very United States of America depended on responding quickly to it

It's good to know those emergency response teams have their priorities straight. I'm sure the residents of New Orleans who were stranded on rooftops for days after hurricane Katrina will be happy to see how things have changed.