Tuesday, 22 January 2013


"Sho I shays to her, I shayss GOOD ASS! 
But she thought I said GODDESS. Ha ha *hic* ... 
Who the hell are you again?"

Things have really improved for Charlie Sheen since he allegedly sobered up. First he raised his dating standards and upgraded to a slightly-less-slutty goddess (as previously discussed here). This new goddess, Georgia, is just into girl-on-girl porn, whereas his previous goddess, Bree, was into unspeakable porn. To put that in perspective for normal people, that would be like you or I dumping an illiterate, thieving wife-beater and moving on to an illiterate alcoholic. (It's progress, okay? Just let it go.) 

Anyway, after Charlie made this improvement, the doors to normalcy swung open like the gates to L. Ron Hubbard's initiation pod. For example, that epic meltdown last year: Dirty old Charlie would have totally denied that was a bad thing. Crisp new Charlie is able to see it for what it was: A bad steroid trip.

During an appearance on Piers Morgan's talk show last week, Charlie revealed that it was steroids that made him "crazy." That's right. It was the 'roids. Cuz 'roids will do that if you crush them to a powder and snort them by the snootful and then chase that with a bag of nine-gram rocks. 

And speaking of men who do crazy things and then blame it on steroids, Charlie also touched on the subject of Lance Armstrong. He told Piers he met him once, noting, "he wasn't the friendliest guy in the world." From which I infer that Lance was a total prick to him. Because as we all know, Lance is a very scrupulous person and would not approve of having to share a room with someone who uses drugs.

Here's a link to the Piers Morgan interview. Aside from the parts where Piers Morgan talks, it's fantastically entertaining as only interviews with candid lunatics can be.