|HULK HOGAN, WEARING A LOVELY FEATHER BOA|
It is almost impossible to fathom why no one
wanted to watch a tape of this gentleman
having sex with ... well, anyone.
You may recall that Hulk, whose new career is suing people, recently expended vast amounts of energy protesting a "leaked" sex tape in which he committed adultery with some classy biker hag. Alas, although he threatened to sue anyone who watched "THAT SEX TAPE I HAD NO IDEA WAS BEING MADE," exactly zero people had the stomach to call his bluff. And so the tape just sits there, unwatched, unwanted and collecting dust. It is very much like Hulk Hogan's penis in that regard.
And because Hulk's pool of remaining options is drying up faster than Jennifer Aniston's uterus, he's now betting all his chips on this one: a lawsuit alleging the back treatments he received at a Florida facility were bogus and damaged his career. (*little voice in my head* "Is he talking about the wrasslin' career that was over years ago or the sex tape career that never started?")
In full blowhard mode, Hulk alleges the Laser Spine Institute is (wait for it) a bunch of frauds and "a total sham." I'm just going to let that statement stew in its own irony for a moment.
That's right: Hulk Hogan. WWF wrestler. Professional fake fighter. Is calling someone a fraud and their line of work a total sham.
I seriously cannot wait to hear what his next lawsuit will be.
Editor's note: If he wants to sue somebody, he should start with his barber. That moustache could star in its own sex tape.