Wednesday, 9 January 2013


They were getting so big I

couldn't cross my legs anymore.
Photo: Gerry Cooper/Featureflash

In whorrifying celebrity motherhood news, Madonna has undergone drastic surgery to have her iron balls removed. Her reps are keeping this information under wraps, but the tell-tale signs are everywhere. 

Take her reaction to her daughter's fairly typical acting-out: shaving off most of her gorgeous hair and pulling what's left of it up in a sloppy bun. It's an ugly style previously sported to just as ugly effect by Rihanna, Ke$ha and Avril Lavigne, but these broads are over 18 and can do whatever ugly thing they want to themselves. Lourdes, on the other hand, is barely15. Which means Mom is still in charge. 

So how did Mom react? I'd like to think that Iron Balls would lower the boom on her. Ground her. Make her march down Rodeo Drive wearing a sandwich-board sign saying "I AM A REBELLIOUS TWAT." 

But no, Madge falls into the modern trap of letting the goddam kids run the show. She wrings her hands, she says she's aggrieved, she doesn't like it, she thinks it's ugly (and it is), but "what can I do?" ("Well, Madge *whispering seductively* it's not too late for that sandwich board.")  
Ah, those iron balls. I miss 'em already . . . Click here to take a peek at Lourdes' new look. 

Editor's note: Ick. Why would a pretty girl deliberately make herself look ugly?
My note: I don't know, but as a mother of girls I was always in favour of ANYTHING they wanted to do if it made them less attractive to the opposite sex.