Tuesday, 15 January 2013

MEGAN FOX JUST CAN'T BE THAT SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, OK?

I HAVE GIVEN YOU TATTOOS, IMPLANTS AND 
ALL THE SULTRY POUTS YOU COULD WANT
I do not owe you people a friggin' Twitter account!
Photo/CreStock
 
Listen, you morons, fame is not something Megan Fox ever wanted, all right? It just came chasing after her and dragged her into its hoary lap . . . right after she got breast implants. 
Which sort of mirrors her feelings about this "social media thing." Twatter, Facetube, the Interweb: she doesn't want any of that crap either, but goddammit, the world just keeps DEMANDING TO KNOW what Megan Fox thinks about stuff! 

So even though she seems like a selfish bitch, she apparently isn't one because she made herself gag it down (an experience that no doubt reminded her of her first audition) and joined Twitter last week. Although, frankly, she wasn't very nice about it and she made sure we all knew what a huge favour she was doing us. Because heaven knows she is terribly busy posing for bikini shots and learning her five lines for Nanny Banger III.

Well, selflessness is just so foreign to Megan her body flat-out rejected it. After a mere week of tepid tweeting, she deleted her Twitter account and joined Facebook instead, posting:  "I thought that 2013 might be the year that I finally blossomed into a social networking butterfly … but as it turns out I still hate it. Love you guys but I will just never be that girl. Facebook is as much as I can handle."

I'm sure all of you will join me in grovelling prostration as we thank Megan for making this sacrifice for us. You may not be a social networking butterfly, Megan, but by god you are a saint. For those of you who'd like to worship at the Mahatma's breasts Facebook site, simply click here, and let the mind-expanding updates begin.