Saturday, 19 January 2013


Zac Efron, dildos, Whorrified,
As seen against a backdrop of a forest of dildos. 
(Or, as Zac likes to call them, "rosy palm" trees.) 
Photo: Paul Smith/Featureflash

If my career as a gossip blogger doesn't pan out, I think I have a pretty good shot at being an adviser to the stars. I mean, how friggin' hard can that be? These guys are practically retarded.

Consider young Zac Efron, who is currently in the midst of an embarrassing dildo situation. Apparently, Zac "freaked out" on paps who caught him perusing a collection of mesmerizingly erect and glowing dildos yesterday in New York. The star tore out of the dildo emporium after the photogs, begging them to delete the images that would surely cement destroy his reputation, shrieking: "IT'S FOR A MOVIE!" R-r-r-r-right.

See here's the thing, Zac: you only get to use that excuse once. And you used your "once" already, remember? That time? That one time in 2008, when you were caught shopping for a blow-up sheep sex doll "for a movie?" Remember? C'mon, you must remember.

If I were your adviser, Zackie (you don't mind if I call you Zackie, do you? I practically work for you), I would tell you you need to be a little more particular about the type of movies you do. Just as I told Keanu Reeves in a lengthy series of emails, which he foolishly ignored. And look how he ended up. I'm just sayin.' 

EDITOR'S NOTE Kudos to our dildo bureau chief for tipping us off to the above item (click here for the link, I dare ya), which she stumbled across whilst diligently researching breaking dildo news. That chick deserves a raise or something.